Tag Archives: humor

Manic Monday

4 May

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m graceless.

Saturday I spent a lovely day at the Arkansas’ Regional Innovation Hub Mini Maker Faire. The weather was beautiful. I met lots of people. Showcased my frames and made a few contacts for more events and education. I was stoked!

But tired. So I retired early with my Kindle. Turned all the lights out, snuggled up to Peanut…ahhhhhh.

Then the craving hit. Chocolate. I wanted chocolate. A peanut butter chocolate egg beckoned from the freezer. Now at this point the spousal unit was snoring. But I was undeterred. I closed my Kindle, slipped from under the covers, carefully made my way around the bottom of the bed, tiptoeing cautiously, only to catch my foot on a big, black, hairy dog and go flying into the floor!

Left knee hurts, can’t straighten the right elbow, knocked a small filling from the back of a front tooth, busted the upper lip a bit, and woke the spousal unit. Oh and I’m sore.

Yup. The dog’s on my list. And from now on I will allow my eyes to adjust to the ambient light.

Ah..clumsy is my middle name.

So, here’s today’s frame posting. Thanks for looking!

Photo Swap Frame Pretty in Pink

Photo Swap Frame Pretty in Pink

Pretty in Pink, Another View

Pretty in Pink, Another View

find

.

 

 

 

 

 

Find it here. Only $24.

Ah say

18 Feb
I can’t go on. I’ll go on.
Samuel Beckett
I really am starting over. I have been summarily fired. Don’t know whether to feel mightily relieved or burst into worry tears!

I may be relieved. It has been hanging over my head for weeks now. You know that feeling you is just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Yeah, that one.

I have issues. So I do! We all have our little idiosyncrasies.

Now to begin again, for the third time in less than three years, to look for gainful employment. And try to survive the interim. And work on the side of my life I wish/want to be my income source.

Right place, right time?

_________

So…today I’m grateful for my beautiful children, my gorgeous granddaughter, and my steady, albeit grumpy, spousal unit.

I wrote that down earlier so I wouldn’t forget to be grateful today.

Hey, I’m old. Short term memory sucks.

_________

It’s off to finalize a frame design, send out a resume, read a little, sleep a little, and look for that happy place.

Wonder if it’s at the unemployment office….

Witless Wednesday

17 Jul

Yesterday may have been the longest day in recorded history.  Technically that was supposed to have occurred during a summer equinox, right?

But for some reason, yesterday took the cake, dressed it in drag, and paraded it around town without benefit of an audience.

Don’t ask.

The security system installer told me he stopped time just to mess with me.

Did a damn fine job of it.

Today I missed the boat and took the last train to Clarksville.  It still hasn’t arrived. Perhaps next time I’ll leave on a jet plane.

 

The mind is like an unsafe neighbourhood. Don’t go there alone”
Augusten Burrows

Oops. My bad.

 

Weekend Adventures, Monday Mania Approaches

15 Jul

The best laid plans….

I have to publish the short story begun last week in its entirety once completed, perhaps on a separate page of the blog as I seem to be incapable of establishing a schedule for writing and blogging.

It is a most bothersome predicament.

Last week I was in bed shortly after 8 o’clock two or three nights, having succumbed to the sheer exhaustion of 9 hour days with only brief intervals for a bite to eat or a trip to the bathroom. I do hope this time gobbling task passes soon.

Saturday, however, I was treated to a day of respite by my daughter. We took the short drive to Hot Springs for breakfast, a soak in the mineral baths, and a bit of shopping. As always when in company with Falon, I had a lovely day. We even splurged on a cupcake at Fat Bottom Girl’s Cupcake shop!

Our first stop was the Farmer’s Market. You can buy produce and crystals, homemade breads and jewelry. The highlight here was the Old-timer’s volunteer band. What a treat! Some of those men and women were pushing 90. With guitar and mandolin, banjo, and fiddle, they made music for a small, but enthusiastic crowd.

We soaked at the Quapaw Baths. The water is so buoyant with minerals and salts that you can lean into them and find yourself afloat with no effort. I’ve never been able to relax enough to float, but the waters here will hold you and remove all pressure on muscle and bone. Steeping in 104 degree water and sliding into 98 degree water makes for a refreshing tension reducing experience. Loved it. Although that soak and the outside temperature caused a torturous sweat for a few minutes! Perhaps all those ugly toxins were expunged from my system.

And we visited Nom Noms for dinner nachos. They were nom nom too! Good thing we shared one. It was huge!

I’m still chuckling over the number of times I executed a side street turn-around or a U-turn to compensate for having missed the little blue dot target on Falon’s  I-phone GPS. You would think we’d never been in Hot Springs!  At one point we turned into an alley, travelled up a steep hill and onto a roof top parking area designated as ‘private’. I did a private turn around and left it in peace.

We stopped to take a picture of the historic Hot Springs high school, now loft apartments.

010

Historic Hot Springs High School

How many students entered through these doors? What marks have they left upon the world?

How many students entered through these doors? What marks have they left upon the world?

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Hot Springs is beginning to appear tidier and better kept. The only disappointment is the demise of the Majestic Hotel. Would that someone would restore and refine her, make her a beauty. She would be lovely for condos, with shops and spas on the lower level, and a dog walking and grooming service for resident pets. A small grocer could offer services. Green spaces could be created for relaxation. A rooftop garden would be lovely. And making her self-sustaining would top the cake!

There is another, smaller hotel downtown that would benefit from the vision of an entrepreneur/restorer. If you know anyone, send them my way. I would love to show them around.

I found this stumbling around…and had to share.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”


Link to original post

Another Monday! Manic, oh yeah.

Rough Night

Rough Night

Bathing, Blurbing, and Bubbles

30 May

Teeth, Hair, and Ass. Those are the most important elements to consider in the daily shower routine. Or so I surmised this morning.

The early morning hours are hell on the brain waves. I think I have a synapse that misfires until around 11 or so. And so this morning shower reminder becomes a mantra for accomplishing, at the very least, the cleansing of the big three.  The latter, of course, is the biggest.

Perhaps we should make it a column, Shower Pearls, Bits of Bathing Wisdom.

Can you imagine daily inspiration bubbling up with the stealth of hot water during a power outage?  Waiting for wisdom while the water chills and the hours sluice off the clock in a fall would certainly make for an entertaining morning. Nope, ain’t gonna happen.  I’m up early enough, thank you very much.

Don’t expect to hear any singing either. Shower, coffee, and song… in that order.

I’m flush out of inspiration today.

And the power just surged with the storm.

So away I go!

Tickled Pink Thursday

16 May

I’m not sure why pink is the color of choice for tickled. Perhaps it has something to do with the blush of happiness. Perhaps not.

At any rate, ‘tickled pink’ is one of my favorite expressions. It’s just so….cute. Who could resist using such a phrase to describe the feeling of joy one has when one is favored with a gift or an expression of love or a great joke or whatever.

It can also express a bit of sarcasm. Wheeeeeeeeee.

Earlier I was involved in a discussion of sarcasm. Apparently it’s something one can love. Yeah? Okay, right!

We grow smart asses in my family, so sarcasm is a way of life. Most of the time we’re joking. Occasionally, not so much.

We also grow lard asses. Please don’t bother to check mine out. It’s there for all to see anyway.

Zach has an interview this afternoon with a downtown bike touring business. That’s exciting considering it’s his only mode of transport at the moment and even then he will have to borrow mine. I just know he will shine.  He made my day with a B in his HOTEL class. That’s History of the English Language. Every time he mentioned the acronym, my brain kicked back to the eighties when I worked in a large hotel. Bartending, waiting, managing…I tried it all. Bartending was my favorite. Kept me seriuosly entertained. I loved the verbal bantering, the customer flirtation, the interaction with people from all over the world. And I was good at it.

Had nothing whatsoever to do with a life plan. It was a job. But we all know I haven’t decided what to be when I grow up.

I’m missing home. Especially on rainy days, like today. With the new career path, I’m not seeing hubby Monday through Wednesday. Some would say that is one way of not getting tired of him. Hmmmmm.

I miss Peanut.

And I really want to heat up the pool. I mean really, temperatures  this cool and it’s almost June are just unheard of in my neck of the woods. We really need to address thie global warming issue. Weather like this is scary! We haven’t come close to 90 yet!

Some moons ago, my daughter shared this with me and so I will share this quote for the week:

“It is often easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission.” – Grace Hopper.

Oh how right that is! I’ve kept it in mind on many a shopping expedition.  Try it. Really, it is so true. I haven’t tested it on a new car purchase, but I don’t see how it wouldn’t work. Or perhaps furnitured? A cleaning service? I certainly could use one of those. I’m still holding out for the vacuum that just sucks the whole house free of dirt, dust, and dog hair.  Anyone have one of those? Where can I get one? Please help!

This has been a pretty good week so far. I’ve made a bit of progress. I’m looking forward to the weekend, however. I desperately need a nap!

 

Manic Monday III or IV, I Forget

6 May

Manic Monday approached with a fearsome case of philosophic postulating. A co-worker applied the term ‘existential crisis’ to my mind set. Well…..maybe.

Personally I think it may be a case of senior moment gone wild. Having spent the weekend pondering the machinations of bi-polar disorder and ADHD, I may have been slightly influenced by my age and the relationships that stand out from the crowd through the years.

The question that arose this morning had to do with the sort of people I tend to attract. I have jokingly referred to this collection of souls as ‘dirty old men, drunks, homeless dogs, stray cats, and children’. In other words, they all seem to have an affliction of the mind and/or spirit.

I know you’re laughing. Here I am, far from sane and certainly the most dysfunctional in a long line of dysfunctional and yet the lost ones seem to zoom in on me like I have an implanted weirdo-homing device. I thought by this time in my life I would be surrounded by peace and prosperity and ‘normal’.

Hehehehehehe…maniacal laughter spews forth.

Seriously? What the hell is normal? Peace…only within you say? Within is still a jumble of confusion, although tempered by age and experience, still a jumble of confusion.

Yesterday I was waiting with Falon in a Moe’s line, ready to order nachos and doing a bit of people watching which I am wont to do in public places. So many families looking freshly churched wandered about. One family in particular caught my attention. I posed a question. Would I have ever been attracted to and formed a relationship with a man of religion?

She contends that neither of us would be involved in such a relationship. Having grown up in the center of Southern Baptist propaganda where the woman is always behind the man, the answer to that question is a no-brainer. What about finding oneself in a relationship with someone who gets hisself born again?

I fear the resolution to that one would require one of three things to occur: 1-We would never, ever speak of it. 2-We would go our separate ways. 3-I’d shoot him.

It would definitely be a hard row to hoe. (That’s one of them there Southern sayings, difficult task.)

I really don’t have issue with the church-going believers in the world. Whatever gets you through the night….but please don’t expect me to embrace your beliefs. Give me the same respect I do you, let me have my own.

So between the two questions posed over the past 24 hours, my philosophical positing has taken a turn around the block a few times. And I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no conclusion.

It IS what it IS.

And still I wonder why….

Sometimes I imagine that we are all just lost souls looking for that answer and the hell of it all is that there is no answer.

It simply IS.

Saturday Southernism

23 Feb

Since I was out of pocket on Thursday, I decided to share a Southernism on Saturday.

I grew up with country folks. They wuz all from a little hamlet about 35-40 miles from where I is living now in Little Rock. My great-granpappy on my mother’s side and my grandpappy on my Daddy’s side was both farmers, living off the land. I’m sure there were more farmers in the family than those two. And I’m purty sure they all had chickens. Even we had chickens when I wuz being raised up. I got to keep the money from selling the extra eggs. Wooowhooo.

So today’s colloquial offering goes something like this:

It’s been sleetin’ so hard out there, them roads is slicker than a floored henhouse.

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever encountered chicken sh*t, but that stuff is slick.

You are now enlightened.

Hehehe

Hehehe

Universal Truths

11 Feb

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

I am inclined to agree with the second theory.

Douglas Adams – Genius

A Pagan Christmas, Master, and Yard Art

19 Nov

I’m drinking coffee and pondering the Universe.

Now there’s  an endeavor that will push me forward.

I seem to be victim to an inertia I can’t identify.

Trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Now there’s a serious problem for a woman pushing 60.

Focus.

I was checking online degree programs.  Would I like to pursue a Master’s in Creative Writing? That’s some expensive sh*t.

Don’t I have a way with words?

If I wait another year, I can attend the local university with fees and tuition waived. I’ll be an official senior citizen then.  And the same applies to a writing program just 30 minutes away. The tuition there is quite reasonable for any student. Perhaps start the first semester as a paid student and finish as a senior?

Geez, this just ain’t right. I’m way too young to be a senior citizen. The Golden Years.  It does not compute.

Today is a busy one…this week is a busy one. I’m such a kid about decorating for Christmas. We actually don’t do a big tree anymore. Too many animals. So I do wreaths and hangings, and small trees all over the place. I did bring the Christmas Village down from the attic. It’s waiting to go up.

I look at this celebration in a pagan sort of way. It’s winter. It is a time for seasonal affective disorder. It’s time to let your hair down and enjoy a party with the family, tell them how much you love them, exchange gifts, and eat. Last year I didn’t have time to wrap all the stocking stuffers. Some were too big for the stocking anyway. So I put them all in a huge flannel Santa bag, made my family close their eyes, and passed them out. I really had fun with that one. Might just have to repeat it.

Speaking of the eating part, my tradition for Christmas is a scratch German Chocolate Cake. It’s Zach’s favorite too so we do one for his birthday on December 3 as well. My mom started this one. I love German Chocolate Cake, the best part being the coconut pecan icing. For as long as I can remember, she made one for me every Christmas with a double recipe of the icing. Yummmmmmmmm.

It’s a diabetic nightmare. So pump up the insulin once a year. Cause this is a must have on my list. I have conceded to a recipe and a half of icing. There are some things you just have to splurge on.

I love the lights. I love to turn all the house lights out and sit in the glow from the Christmas lights. I love Santa Clause. My kids asked me if I believed in Santa when they were little. Yes, I believe in the spirit of Santa Clause. I’m kinda sneaky.

Falon is my favorite oldest child. Zachary is my favorite youngest child. Barry is my favorite middle child. Makes them all my favorite.

They roll their eyes at me. Diplomatic relations with children are tricky no matter their age.

I ran across a deer this morning in the yard, but she was startled and took off for the back forty. One of them was almost within touching distance of Bob a few days ago. Dog went ballistic and scared her. She ran too.

The following were stationary when I went to the mailbox, so I got pics.

Sun and Moon on a Cloudy Autumn Morn

Autumn Out Back

Autumn Berries

Pretty Pink Camellia

I is so happy to see the camellia. Did you ever see the movie ‘Camille’? Great movie.

What a segue!

I’m now officially behind on Pinterest inspired tutorials. We’re crafting this upcoming weekend though, so I’ll catch up. I really have to build a Photo Studio and find my floodlights. I may have to make the studio under my desk. The floodlights were lost in the attic emptying.

I’m not going to start an organizing trend again. Just try to stay on track with what I’ve got. After all, a cluttered desk is the sign of a genius at work.

I must have an IQ off the charts.

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