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Amazed and Confused

10 Apr

Again, months have passed and living has continued. I need to share. And I’ve chosen this format in hopes that those who cannot be burdened by my outburst, will choose to ignore it.

Right now, I am relieved, miserable, excited, weary, elated, and depressed. In short, I’m a mess.

After waiting for a year, and suffering through and almost continuous UTI that entire time….I finally got an appointment with a urogynecologist at the local med school campus…there are only three in the state. They are booked months in advance. So February began the adventure.

I’ve fallen, had my head examined…they did find a brain. My heart has been checked….and there is one of those too.

Then we began exploring the mess of vaginal mesh from a ten-year old bladder repair. A month ago a stone just smaller than a golf ball was found in my bladder through cystoscopy. Pain anyone? Although the video of the bladder was reminiscent of deep-sea diving on a beautiful virgin coral reef.

A week later, the culture showed malignant and squamous cells in abundance in the bladder. A consult with plastic surgery to explore the possibility of removing skin left after gastric bypass three years ago was scheduled. We were hoping that losing the sag would decrease the incidence of infection. Got approval for that.

Two weeks of abject stress and a FISH test (please don’t ask what the acronym means, I’m still clueless), I’m told everything is normal. It was a false positive on the malignant cells.

Another cystoscopy of the bladder confirms the stone has grown on mesh, but the bladder looks good.

So we proceed with surgery.

April 5…five days ago. my daughter checks me into surgery at 5 a.m. I’m checked in and taken to pre-op an hour or so later. When the anesthesiology resident hits me with the initial drug, I’m out in three seconds and on my way to surgery around 8:30. Three doctors are going to work on me.

The urologist begins. He removes the stone. There is something up with one of the ureters that had not been noted, so a stint is places. The urogynecologist is in the room and begins the process of repairing the bladder and removing any mesh that she can. Then the plastic surgeon comes in. Remember between doctors, the OR has to be reset. So 11 plus hours later I’m finally taken to recovery. And sometime after 9 p.m. I’m in a room.

I had a hangover the next morning. And I was and am trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey. Bandages and binder from ankles to boobs.

I’m FREAKING MISERABLE. Save me from mummy wrappings and irritated skin. I’m hooked up to 4 incision drains and a catheter. I finally hung everything around my waist on a belt.

I can only hope this will turn out to be so worth it.

Here’s the thing…Much thanks to my daughter for sticking it out through the surgery and losing her time off to me, my son for spending that first night with me, making me protein shakes and food, my spousal unit for picking me up and getting my meds and picking up my slack in the house and kitchen, my work family for supporting me and checking on me and reassuring me, and all the friends who have stuck it out while I waited….and waited to get this over.

Thursday I hope to lose the four drains and exchange the mummy wrappings for a more comfortable garment. With appropriate healing I’ll lose the catheter on the 18th.

And I hope I wake up. Today has been better by a smidge.

I have to study. I’m seriously behind in Anthropology and have to be completely caught up by Monday so I can take a test. And I have an Algebra test on Sunday. I’m finally on a path to complete the 3, now 9, hours I left undone 40 plus years ago for my Bachelor’s. And then I wish to do a graduate certificate in technical writing. Sounds like a fun thing to do in retirement! I have a little experience.

I have plans. I want to see my grandchild(ren?) grow up. I want to visit Romania and Dracul’s Castle, walk through a field of heather in Scotland, visit the cathedral’s of Paris, and wander the lands of Native American’s here and in Canada.

Oh, and I want Donald Trump and his ilk to disappear. (I had to say it)

Let’s get this show on the road and stop all the nonsense.

Such A Long Time

29 Aug

Almost a year has passed in a flurry of work and weariness and few accomplishments on the creative side of my life. I’ve learned, still learning if I’m honest, a new job. One in an environment only known from the consumer side!

But….

I’ve missed this. I’ve missed the quiet beauty of my wild pasture as seen from the barn where tools and tricks and wood and pallets await my return.

I’ve missed friends. The Bunco team disbanded when two jobs and an unwieldy schedule ran amok with my time and energy. I’m almost ready to begin again. I hope everyone is still up for a game or two…perhaps every other month.

I’ve missed an opportunity in  business with friends and fellow artisans. I so wanted to be available and just could not make it happen. I am going to teach classes however. Perhaps that will provide some redemption.

There is still much to do. There is a craft closet for my daughter. The trim in my newly renovated bathroom must be installed. Some further order must be restored to my home, although it is getting there. And then there will be random moments  I will entrust to my son’s tiny house conversion. We have a shed just waiting for this miracle to progress.

 

May Day and The Sun is Shining

1 May

Good day! May 1st finds me still unemployed and energetically, well as energetically as possible for a woman of a certain age, in pursuit of a dream. That being creating a living without a job.

There is much to learn.

Today’s Etsy finds in aFrameJob follow. I hope you like them and would so appreciate some honest feedback. If you’re seeing them posted all over the place, please forgive me. I’m trying to increase visibility. You can help! Just share my postings. And thank you in advance.

Tomorrow I will participate in the Arkansas Regional Innovation Hub Mini Maker Faire. My booth can be found in Craft World. Must say, this is beyond exciting. All the markets, fairs, festivals, events…get us out and about and meeting and greeting. Hopping about may be a great introduction to new places and spaces in Arkansas.

So here’s to May Day, also a Friday. Hope yours is splendid!

Farmhouse fancy, shabby or cottage chic, rustic, Southwestern...here's an eclectic bit of home decor for framing the moments of your life.

Farmhouse fancy, shabby or cottage chic, rustic, Southwestern…here’s an eclectic bit of home decor for framing the moments of your life.

A 5 x 7 picture slides behind the glass of this creation and can be hung horizontally or vertically.

And another Pic-ket, suitable for a standard 4 x 6 photo.

And another Pic-ket, suitable for a standard 4 x 6 photo.

The 5 x 7 is only $32.00. The 4 x 6 is $24.00. Both can be found here.

Fabulous for Friday

27 Mar

Today’s Etsy post features purple!

Featuring purple fleurs and my grand, this photo display can be yours. Just click below!

Featuring purple fleurs and my grand, this photo display can be yours. Just click below!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

aFrameJob is here.

If you are of a certain age you will remember purple people eaters. I wonder of the eater is purple or if the eater only eats purple people…That’s a debate for the philosophical intellectuals among us.

The simple act of posing a purple people eater debate proves I do not meet the conventional definition of a philosophical intellectual. Whoa!

Today has been a pretty good day. Hope it has been for you as well. If not, make the evening outstanding!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Time

26 Mar

Soooooo hard to believe how fast time flies these days. Although the sinus infection from Hades has slowed it down a bit for the past two weeks….doctor visit anyone? I really don’t want to go. Body, heal thyself.

Zach is gardening in the drizzly, cloudy weather we are experiencing today. The drizzly, cloudy stuff has become a common theme…and the temperature is dropping. We must keep our hopes up that warm weather and swimming will soon be upon us.

In the meantime, we await the new roof and the tree-trimming that has to precede it. Oh dear, home repair is expensive! We’ll also be shopping for a new hot water heater. I can’t wait to move to an on-demand version, energy-efficient and won’t crash through the floor!  The floor in that spot has a joist problem. Poor old house. Love it, but it is the money pit.

I’m taking my stoppered head to a place of comfort for a spell. Have a great day. Smell a few roses along the way.

Humps and Lumps

25 Feb

He vetoed it. The Keystone Pipeline has been stayed.
It’s a good thing. Thank you Mr. President. Great call.

Hillary is in the news. She’s hiring advisers, considering the 2016 presidential run. Is there still doubt? Perhaps she’ll take her cues from Oscar night.

Wasn’t Patricia Arquette stunning? And Meryl Streep standing in solidarity was beautiful to behold. Women unite for equal pay, unite to keep old white men out of our healthcare, birth control options…there will be a reckoning.

____________

It’s Wit and Wisdom Wednesday.

After (M)onday and (T)uesday, comes WTF!

Anonymous
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Seriously. We’re waiting for another round of sleet and snow. It’s February 25th, in Arkansas…what is up with the weather? Oh yeah…

All you global warming deniers might want to pay attention. It may very well manifest in unexpected ways.

Oh how I long for a major investment in alternative energy. If I win the lottery, it’s solar all the way!

___________

Wednesday seems to have inspired a few random thoughts. Now we are on to filling out the application for the Little Rock Etsyfest. Held at the end of April, I have a goal in mind for this sale. If the weather cooperates and I can get to the barn soon, I just might make it! In the meantime, I’ll work indoors on the items I need for finishing the frames I want to take to the sale and for posting as many as I can on my Etsy site.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

Ah say

18 Feb
I can’t go on. I’ll go on.
Samuel Beckett
I really am starting over. I have been summarily fired. Don’t know whether to feel mightily relieved or burst into worry tears!

I may be relieved. It has been hanging over my head for weeks now. You know that feeling you is just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Yeah, that one.

I have issues. So I do! We all have our little idiosyncrasies.

Now to begin again, for the third time in less than three years, to look for gainful employment. And try to survive the interim. And work on the side of my life I wish/want to be my income source.

Right place, right time?

_________

So…today I’m grateful for my beautiful children, my gorgeous granddaughter, and my steady, albeit grumpy, spousal unit.

I wrote that down earlier so I wouldn’t forget to be grateful today.

Hey, I’m old. Short term memory sucks.

_________

It’s off to finalize a frame design, send out a resume, read a little, sleep a little, and look for that happy place.

Wonder if it’s at the unemployment office….

It’s 2015 and I’m starting over

17 Feb

I got past the big birthday without losing my mind last year.

Although I did lose a job I liked shortly thereafter. But I sort of got past that.

Then the surgery. Gastric bypass is not for weenies.

The ensuing months were a struggle. In oh so many ways. I had begun to believe I’d lost my sense of humor!

Oh, say it ain’t so!

I certainly lost my blogging mojo.

Now it’s 2015. Almost two months into it actually. I spent the first two months of this year making enemies of work mates…and there I was thinking I was doing a good job. What was I thinking?

And ennui settled in with a vengeance.

Damn, I really hate that. Seems to happen a lot around here.

So where is the lemonade?

Well…I’m squeezing lemons now.

I’m now working on reduced hours…not good for the purse. Not good for morale, either. I mean, we are of an age that should be more fun and less worry, right?

Okay, I’m being selfish and ungrateful. Time to stop.

Time to look for my happy place …that place in my heart and head untouched by any woe. It is a choice.

I’ve begun to build picture frames using pallet material. Recycling. The spousal unit cut a few apart for me and left the wood neatly stacked on my work tables in the barn.

Weather permitting, I’ll be back in the barn soon. And soon after that my etsy shop, name changed to aFrameJob, will be stocked. I’m signing up to participate in the Little Rock etsyfest2015 at the end of April. Perhaps a new career will be launched. We’ll see. I suck at follow-through. It’s time to learn.

Give me lemons and I’ll build frames!

It feels really good to be here. I should come back more often

Observation

4 Oct

The last few weeks have found me shopping for jeans and bargains. And for some unknown reason I became the proud owner of a low-rise skinny jean. Don’t get me wrong, I love the skinny part. My bony legs aren’t handling boot cut well at all. But low-rise? Whatever possessed me? I really hope they were cheap.

I wore said jeans to do the weekend errands this morning. And let me tell you, they annoyed the hell out of my granny panties.

Lesson learned.

Long time, no see

1 Jul

Much has happened since last I visited.

I’ve lost nearly 50 pounds.

I’ve become a grandmother to baby Zoe.

017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was born on the day of the summer solstice, June 21, weighing 9 pounds and 2 ounces with a full head of dark hair that is tipped in gold. Her mother labored hard for 30 hours and was finally wheeled in for a Cesarean as Baby Zoe was found to be sunny side up.

Mamacita was so brave.

Mother and Child

Mother and Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She makes sweet little puppy noises.

I have fervently been seeking gainful employment and only within the last two or three weeks has my resume received attention from potential employers.

I have taken a part-time job at a movie theatre. Orientation begins tomorrow evening. The smell of popcorn will kill me. The free movies will amuse me.

A fog of depression has settled over me. Good thing I’m medicated for that, huh?

And I fell into TV binge watching, lying on the sofa with poor little Peanut snuggled up to me and Molly and Bun rotating at my feet.

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I’ve collected patterns and boxes of things to do and they sit and wait for that spark of desire to do.

And rain falls and sun shines and the work of our lives continues to favor of the rich.

And five old white men have set women’s rights back decades.

And one elderly, smart lady named Ginsberg got it right in her dissent.

And the vibrant black man who is the president is being suffocated by a congress of idiots who call themselves tea party-ers and Republicans.

So, in reality, some things haven’t changed much at all.

 

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