Coming back, Chaos, Good things

It is Sunday and I am trying to find my way back to blogging and writing and find my way forward to the completion of a project.

As Trena observed, the shaking of shiny new keys is enough to distract me.

Ah, find a way.

I am to be a grandmother toward the end of June; a very involved grandmother as the husband/father is soon to be an ex. Long story and part of the long story that has kept me away from my blog.

Job changes, trying to overcome the challenges of senior learning, conflict, moving the daughter, moving her again, trying to find a place for everything, attempting to organize the chaos and the emotional toll, decisions about health and all the random moments of love, conversation and an onerous exhaustion, have contributed to my absence.

Life happens.

The spousal unit has been most accommodating. I think he is rather excited by the prospect of a little one in our midst. I am. We shopped Friday evening for Zoe Kaitlyn Ella Grace (no decision has been made on the Tadpole’s name yet) and he found cute little onesies and outfits and shoes and socks and pointed them out to daughter and I. May I say that Momma is a picky wench.

Our lives will change again. She will bring so much hope with her. This can be an ugly world, but there is hope that we can show her the beauty, and that she will be part of a generation that changes the world and welcomes tolerance and understanding and stops the madness that stupid white men have generally perpetrated.

The spousal unit has also encouraged me to look into bariatric surgery. I’ve mentioned this before. His director had a gastrectomy and lost 35 pounds in 6 weeks. She looks amazing, says she feels great, and is on her way to resolving her lifetime weight issues.

But looks are certainly not the consideration. The risks are increased with my age, but the benefits could be outstanding. With gastric bypass, there is a good chance that my Type 2 diabetes will resolve. It has largely gone uncontrolled for the past 20 years and it will kill me early if something isn’t done. I’ve probably lost and re-gained a thousand pounds over my lifetime; always returning to the same high.

Desperate measures.

I’ve attended the seminar and been accepted for surgery, although I am not morbidly obese and barely qualify based on my BMI, I was accepted because the addition of the diabetes and high cholesterol pushed me into qualifying. Now I must make the co-pays and schedule the surgery. March will be the month we schedule. I have some fear…but lots of anticipation. I hope to feel amazing after this surgery. I hope to lose the insulin and perhaps even decrease the pain.

So, today I resolve to carve out time to blog and write and spend time contemplating the beauty of the universe. It will probably be a slow go, rather erratic, somewhat chaotic, but such is life. Perhaps that is more of the beauty of it than I realize.