Manic Monday approached with a fearsome case of philosophic postulating. A co-worker applied the term ‘existential crisis’ to my mind set. Well…..maybe.
Personally I think it may be a case of senior moment gone wild. Having spent the weekend pondering the machinations of bi-polar disorder and ADHD, I may have been slightly influenced by my age and the relationships that stand out from the crowd through the years.
The question that arose this morning had to do with the sort of people I tend to attract. I have jokingly referred to this collection of souls as ‘dirty old men, drunks, homeless dogs, stray cats, and children’. In other words, they all seem to have an affliction of the mind and/or spirit.
I know you’re laughing. Here I am, far from sane and certainly the most dysfunctional in a long line of dysfunctional and yet the lost ones seem to zoom in on me like I have an implanted weirdo-homing device. I thought by this time in my life I would be surrounded by peace and prosperity and ‘normal’.
Hehehehehehe…maniacal laughter spews forth.
Seriously? What the hell is normal? Peace…only within you say? Within is still a jumble of confusion, although tempered by age and experience, still a jumble of confusion.
Yesterday I was waiting with Falon in a Moe’s line, ready to order nachos and doing a bit of people watching which I am wont to do in public places. So many families looking freshly churched wandered about. One family in particular caught my attention. I posed a question. Would I have ever been attracted to and formed a relationship with a man of religion?
She contends that neither of us would be involved in such a relationship. Having grown up in the center of Southern Baptist propaganda where the woman is always behind the man, the answer to that question is a no-brainer. What about finding oneself in a relationship with someone who gets hisself born again?
I fear the resolution to that one would require one of three things to occur: 1-We would never, ever speak of it. 2-We would go our separate ways. 3-I’d shoot him.
It would definitely be a hard row to hoe. (That’s one of them there Southern sayings, difficult task.)
I really don’t have issue with the church-going believers in the world. Whatever gets you through the night….but please don’t expect me to embrace your beliefs. Give me the same respect I do you, let me have my own.
So between the two questions posed over the past 24 hours, my philosophical positing has taken a turn around the block a few times. And I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no conclusion.
It IS what it IS.
And still I wonder why….
Sometimes I imagine that we are all just lost souls looking for that answer and the hell of it all is that there is no answer.
It simply IS.