Birthdays and Good Ol Boys

Note: This post is rated ‘R’ for language.

The countdown to 60 has begun.

I think of all those that have passed before and I don’t recall a dread nearly as suffocating as this one.

I’ll get over it.

Just look at Hilary. She’s vibrant and active, smart and sophisticated. I think I like the older Hilary much better than the younger one. She’s mellowed. Her sense of humor seems to have matured. But she fought the good fight for women in our poor Southern state in a culture of good ol boys. That’s a tough one.  I felt her pain.

Still do on occasion since those good ol boys are still among us here. I don’t know if it’s too much in-breeding or what, but that mentality does persist.

So today we are discussing five Good Ol Boy Points to Ponder:

1-Women should be kept barefoot and pregnant and only speak when directly addressed.

If you are the sole provider for your family, do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, errand running, outdoor chores, laundry, parent meetings, make all school events, soccer and dance practice, etc. and you conceive and bear your own children, you may have some basis for this point. However, since it is unlikely you do all this, or even a fraction of it, shut your mouth and get over yourself. You are not all that and pecan pie. What you are is a blowhard. And you probably have a little dick.

2-Big trucks are impressive.

This is only true for other good ‘ol boys. The rest of us could care less. If you feel the need to shovel all that hunting gear into the bed of that truck along with 500 pounds of corn to lure the deer in close enough for you to actually shoot it, you don’t need a big truck. You need target practice. And you probably have a little dick.

3-It is my God-given right to carry a gun.

No…it is your man-given right to carry a gun. However, men have been known to fuck up on more than one occasion. This is a prime fuck up. God didn’t create guns. Men did. Personally I don’t want to share the street with a gun-toting Good Ol Boy. Keep your guns at home. Go hunting if you must. You are hanging out in the wrong places if you need a gun on your person or in your vehicle. And you probably have a little dick.

4 –Homosexuality can be cured.

It just requires an Act of God.  Unless you are God, you have no hope of curing it. Since men have loved men from the beginning and God hasn’t seen fit to act, he either isn’t paying attention or finds your objections irrelevant. Get over it. Or go ahead and jump the fence. No one cares who you love. And you probably have a little dick.

5-It is my belief….cause that’s what the Bible says.

The Bible is full of wonderful advice. All of which is subject to interpretation. Above all else, remember that the Bible was written by men, the Books were chosen for inclusion by men, and the translations were made by men.  It is an indisputable fact that men lie. And just in case you think I’m picking on men, women lie too. Just not as much.  I ain’t got nothing against all you folks that swear by It. Just please stop using It as an excuse for your hate. That’s so pathetic. And should you wish to point out that It was Divinely inspired, I will ask where you read that. MEN wrote It, MEN lie. And you probably have a little dick.

So those are my Five Good Ol Boy Points to Ponder for today. I hope all you Good Ol Boys have learned something. That may be too much to ask….but I’m holding on to perennial optimism with a death grip till they drag me away!

Oh please, oh please, oh please share your thoughts!

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