Humor Abandoned, Needs Foster

6 Dec

Step right up, get your holly jollies

Here they are for the taking!

Not so fast, no greedy follies,

Take your time with the baking.

Enjoy the smells, the turkey roasts

Hear the music, see the light.

Put out the cookies, be the host,

As Santa prepares to take to flight.

That bit of fancy just sucks…little baby bluebird eggs. I’ve started writing this post 3 times. First it was a paragraph, no two, on taking it lying down and no kisses. Then it was a sarcastic diatribe on former employers.

Then I started the silly poem. And now look where I am.

My sense of humor has abandoned ship. There’s no dock in sight. I’m in the middle of the ocean without a life preserver. Hellllpppp.

I have no direction….my thoughts are jumbled. I’m angry, depressed. I refuse to sink into a quicksand of vindictive behavior.

I’m screwed.

I’d really like a kiss. A hug too.

Can you see my pouty lower lip? Mom would tell me to watch out, I’d step on that lip.

That lower lip is in serious danger right now. Pull ‘er back, girl. Shake it off. Stand up.

All this peppy talk is killing me. It is so not in my nature. Where’s my pessimism when I need it? What happened to the bah humbug attitude thingy …going..on. I think screaming is actually an underrated and healthy display of frustration.  Right?

Okay, not so right. Hey, give me a break here. I’m making it up as a go.

In the words of Jacques Le Fleur: when in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Jacques was a wise man. Guy named Chris introduced me to Jacques’ sayings. Thanks Chris, wherever you are.

Grandma had a saying. she applied to folks who bit their tongues and refused to speak out. ‘he wouldn’t say sh*t iffen he had a mouthful.’

Yeah, Grandma, you go. Well she already went, but she was a trip while she was here!

I think I need some Tums. A mouthful of caca might push me to need Phenergan. Wooooooooo….sleep doth come with a bit of that stuff! Knocks me onto the old keister. Oops, used that word again. Thought I took ‘old’ out of my vocab yesterday.

Speaking of sleep…I’m still hung up on naps. It’s been days now.

OH…this one time….after a couple of tooth extractions, I was given Mepergan…Slept for 18 hours. Kids kept checking my breathing. Poor Falon. Zach couldn’t have been more than five or six so she was stuck with him while I slept off my drug induced coma. Haven’t touched those puppies since. Can we say hangover? The same oral surgeon removed another tooth and tried to give me a prescription for them again. I politely declined and asked for something a bit, okay a LOT, milder.

I been done wrong. I must rise above the ashes and seek out that which makes me laugh….Dear Becca, Lady or Not…Here I Come, come for a visit? Please?

And then it was Friday. Wooooooowhooooo. Who said Friday would never get here? Me! It was me! I did it! Me, me, me, me, me. Whoops…did I just get, like, totally self-absorbed? I see the need for another intervention.

Just twenty four more hours and we’ll be in the arena waiting for the appearance of TSO! I so lucky to have a daughter that actually likes to go out with me.  It was her idea. She bought the tickets and surprised me. I think I’ll buy dinner.

And that is the reason I will rise above the ashes of insult and injury. My kids hang out with me.

2 Responses to “Humor Abandoned, Needs Foster”

  1. Sarah Green December 7, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    aww. In the end, it will be ok. If it is not ok, then it is not the end. (Thank you Harry Dresden).

    Too bad Best Friend is not a payable position; you are such a high quality one, I couldn’t afford you. I would have to put you on the market, but NICELY this time.

    • thepolkadotskirt December 7, 2012 at 11:16 am #

      You are so good to me! I’m much better today. Realized I’m the lucky one. I have friends!

      ________________________________

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