Weekend Learning, Lights, and The Heat Wave

What I learned this weekend:

• When it’s 70 degrees outside and it gets dark at 5 p.m., mood swings hit harder than a menopausal hot flash.
• When it’s 70 degrees outside, the humidity is high, and December 1, you will sweat, um glow, while putting up holiday decorations.
• I hate to sweat, um glow. Well….okay I already knew this. You’d think having grown up and lived in the South most of my life, I’d be accustomed to sweating, um glowing….I am, still hate it.
• Men suck. Okay…I already knew this too.
• Lifetime Movie Network is my new best friend. It’s like reading romances for over stimulated brain cells….OMG I have no intellectual capacity. I’m a soap-watching, bon-bon eating, mushy-brained, house Frau. I need intervention.
• Grass stays green when it’s 70 degrees outside.

• Holiday lights die in the box in the attic and cannot be resurrected by anyone lacking the patience to go through them so they end up on the trash bin and I go buy new ones because I have no patience and hate that I forget to plug them in before I start to hang the damn things and then have to re-think my entire strategy for simple I can do this myself without help from the sucky men in my life who sit around and play games and sleep and don’t even offer to help decorate assholes that they are see the fourth bullet.
• Bunny is a fat dog…and greedy. But she has a lovely personality and the sweetest face ever.

• Graham cracker sticks dipped in Cool Whip frosting are killer!
• Shopping at the mall on a Saturday afternoon any time after Thanksgiving is a masochistic endeavor at best. Might be better if we added a little S to that M. Oh wait, I did. I made Bob go with me! Vengeance is sweet!
• I ♥ Sephora.
• I ♥ naps more. See I’m still talking about sleeping.

And last but not least:

• Never, ever, under any circumstances expect to make birthday plans with a today-is-his-21^st  birthday-he-has-to-work-tonight male child. The operative is male. See bullet 4.